April 22, 2004 [Thursday] 4:45 am
Return Of The Sheylara
I have finally regained control of my body. Thank goodness. This past week, I had to live under the rule of my alter ego, who forbade me to blog and to basically do any decent human stuff like smile at people.
My alter ego is this snivelling fool of a loner who hates having any contact with life, and that includes socialising and answering phone calls and blogging.
(I think she's just jealous because she can't write as well as I can and she just hates it when I upstage her.)
All she wants to do is pretend to be non-existent. It's a good thing she's also quite the glutton, like I am, or she would probably really non-exist me by not eating and then I wouldn't have a body left to regain control of.
Alter egos are like pesky relatives who come to visit and overstay their welcome and refuse to leave until they've finished drinking all your best wine and eating up all your abalone and using up all your toilet paper.
Well, now that she's gone and I'm back, I have tons of unrelated things to talk about, so I'm going to do it in chapters in no particular sequence or logical progression because I'm not writing a book here, for heaven's sake.
Chapter 1: Fan Mail
Now, it is quite exciting because I received a piece of fan mail in my inbox last week. I feel like a celebrity! This is what it said (and I quote verbatim):
shey, since your narcisist blog i reckon your blogs have gone down hill c'mon serena!
I was really excited to receive this e-mail for reasons which I'm going to list here:
- It revealed to me what people want to read in my blogs. And what my fans want, my fans get. Now, for some reason, this particular fan of mine wants to read blogs that climb hills. Just to clarify something, my blog doesn't at this point of time know how to climb hills, much less go down one. But, if my fans want for it to climb up and down hills, I'm signing it up for a mountaineering course.
- The e-mail was anonymous and didn't come with a return address. In fact, that single sentence was all there was to it. That's good because it resolves me of the task of replying. And I can't be accused of being a snob for not replying.
- I'm so happy that my fans feel comfortable enough around me to not feel the need to pretend to be intelligent by using proper punctuation in their sentences and spelling their words correctly.
- The best thing about receiving fan mail is that when someone is willing to take the time to comment on something about you, it proves that you're quite important!
Chapter 2: Student Film
Vincent, my actor friend, warned me about student films.
He told me that student filmmakers take forever to set up each shot because film is damn expensive (something like $800 per reel of 10 minutes). So they take more time to make sure that each take is going to be perfect before they actually shoot.
I told Vincent that I'm used to waiting around on the set all day because I do that a lot in MediaCorp.
Vincent said, "Okay, but this is different."
I said, "Okay, but I'm very patient."
Am I ever!
I did a quick time log estimate on this student film I just acted in and this is what it looks like:
Total time I spent on this project: 1500 mins (25 hrs)
Total time I actually acted for the camera: 30 mins
Total time I spent rehearsing for the camera: 90 mins
Total time I spent waiting around: 1380 mins (23 hrs)
Total scenes in this film: 7
Total scenes I appear in: 7
Total time the completed film will run: 10 mins
Vincent should have showed me stats like this instead of just telling me that "there's a lot of waiting around".
I would get into character for a scene and two hours later, they still have not finished setting up the lights for the scene, by which time I have either lost the character and have to get into it all over again, or I have become schizophrenic.
And my makeup has melted because the set is not air-conditioned and has bad ventilation and the weather is 38 degrees so I don't even LOOK like my character anymore.
But I don't regret doing this job because:
- I really liked the script. I play this girl who runs away from home to be with her boyfriend, who gives her AIDs and, when she finds out, she spends the rest of the film alternatively crying and regretting her actions.
- I could feel myself grow as an actress because this is THE most emotionally demanding role I've had to play.
- The crew, who are students from Ngee Ann Poly, are really nice people
although I didn't get much of a chance to chat with them. They were
very dedicated to the project and hardly took any breaks due to the
tight schedule.
That explains why I only took one picture the entire shoot. Everyone was always busy and I didn't want to go around taking candid pictures and causing a distraction, thus increasing the time log for "Total time I spent waiting around".
Chapter 3: Traumatising Audition
I attended an audition today at Music & Movement, which manages artistes such as Dick Lee, Tanya Chua and Lum May Yee.
While I was reading a script at the waiting room, I heard someone singing from a room behind me. It was such great singing that I thought it was one of their artistes rehearsing or practising. Then I heard some chatting and realised that the singer was also an auditionee.
That, of course, did wonders for my confidence, making me grow little wings on my feet, all the better to zip me out of that place now, pronto.
Five minutes later, I found out that the casting director is Najip Ali.
The little wings on my feet started to flutter excitedly, asking me why the hell I'm still sitting there, and do I want to subject Najip Ali to my beautifully wonky singing voice and myself to humiliation?
Unfortunately, not only did my feet grow wings, they also grew roots, which attached themselves to the carpet.
When it was my turn to audition, the wings and roots abandoned me and left me to my fate, the bastards.
I don't know why I was nervous. So what if it's Najip Ali? So what if I can't sing? And did he see through that smiley, too bright and chirpy countenance I put on to disguise my nervousness?
The first thing I told Najip was that I had a split personality, because he had me choose a role from three possible ones and I chose two.
Next, I read my lines too fast and then I sang a song which consisted of only four lines (because the lady who booked my audition slot said "a few lines") and I sang it a little off key.
When I stopped, Najip looked at me and said, "Please continue."
And I said, "That's it."
Najip said, "That's it?"
I said, "Er... you want me to sing another song?"
"Yes, please."
So I sang another song which was longer and I think I didn't go off key as much but I still felt like I couldn't control my voice the way I can control it when I'm alone, at home.
What is it with nerves? Just how do you conquer nervousness? Logically, I know I have no reason to feel nervous, so the only reason I can think of is that my alter ego enjoys seeing me embarrass myself. When that happens, I lose my guard and she can take over easier and try to live me out of existence again.
Chapter 4: Absent-Mindedness
Usually, when there is a transition of egos happening in me, I get absent-minded.
During my morning shower today, I almost forgot to soap myself. Usually, my routine goes like this:
1. Wash hair
2. Wash face
3. Wash body
4. Brush teeth
So, today, I did "wash hair", then "wash face" and then proceeded to do "brush teeth". It was until I was drying myself that I remembered that I'd forgotten to do "wash body".
Next, I wanted to make myself a jam and butter sandwich for lunch, so I took out two pieces of white bread. I decided to do the jam first, so I spread it nicely over one piece of bread. I was supposed to do butter on the other piece but I absent-mindedly put jam on the other piece, too.
So I ended up with two pieces of jammed bread and no buttered bread. My solution was to make TWO sets of sandwiches, which I did, causing me to bust my diet for nothing.
The third absent-minded incicent happened during my night shower. My night routine goes like this:
1. Floss teeth
2. Brush teeth
3. Wash face
4. Wash body
What I did, instead, was: I flossed my teeth, neglected to brush my teeth and proceeded to wash my face and body. It wasn't until I stepped out of the bathroom that I realised I didn't have that minty feeling in my mouth, which meant I had forgotten to brush my teeth after flossing.
All I can say is that I'm glad the day is over and tomorrow is already here.